


all that we let in

by SiderumInCaelo



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Sarah Jane Adventures
Genre: Coming Out, Cross-Generational Friendship, Gen, LGBTQ Themes, Slight Internalized Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:41:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22455127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SiderumInCaelo/pseuds/SiderumInCaelo
Summary: The very first person Clyde came out to was Sarah Jane.
Relationships: Clyde Langer & Sarah Jane Smith
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35
Collections: Queer Gen Subcollection





	all that we let in

**Author's Note:**

> I rewatched SJA recently and it gave me the motivation to finally turn this idea I've had for years into a real fic.
> 
> The title is taken from the song of the same name by the Indigo Girls.

Clyde stood in front of Sarah Jane’s door, bouncing slightly on the heels of his feet but not knocking. He could still change his mind, he told himself, could turn right around and pretend he had never been here…

He brought his hand up and rapped on the door. 

After what felt like a brief eternity, it opened. “Hello Clyde!” Sarah Jane said. “I’m afraid Luke’s not here, but he’s only gone down to the history museum if you wanted to join him.”

“No, that’s okay, thanks,” Clyde said. He knew that Luke had planned an expedition to the museum this afternoon, same as he knew Rani was out of town with her parents today. “I, um, wanted to talk to you, actually.”

“Is there an alien invasion that needs stopping?” Sarah Jane asked.

“Not as far as I know,” Clyde admitted, and braced to be asked why he wanted to see her, then.

“Good, because I was just about to put on a kettle,” Sarah Jane said instead. “Come in!”

Clyde followed her into the kitchen and hovered awkwardly while she filled the kettle and set it to boil.

She didn’t immediately ask why Clyde was there, and he was thankful for it. Instead, she filled him in on the latest incident of suspected alien activity – Mr. Smith had picked up some odd energy readings on the other side of London, but there was no hard evidence of extraterrestrial involvement yet – as she pulled out mugs, milk, and sugar, and set the tea steeping once the water had boiled.

Only after the tea was poured into two mugs, milk and sugar had been added as desired, and both Clyde and Sarah Jane had settled on the sofa in the living room did Sarah Jane broach the question.

“Now,” she said, “what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

Clyde opened his mouth, but the words got stuck in his throat.

“Clyde?” Sarah Jane prompted gently. “Is something the matter?” she asked, her expression veering towards worried.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Nothing’s wrong. I mean, I don’t think it’s wrong, I guess some people would disagree…” Clyde realized he was rambling and ducked his head. “I’m saying this all wrong.”

Sarah Jane placed her hand on his forearm and gave it a light squeeze. “It’s all right, Clyde,” she said. “Take your time.”

It wasn’t really a matter of finding the right words – the words were right there in his head. _I’m gay_. That’s it; only two syllables, two little words. It was just a matter of actually saying them.

Clyde sucked in a deep breath, then another. “I’m gay,” he finally managed to say, staring resolutely at his knees rather than looking at Sarah Jane. His heart pounded wildly as he waited for her to respond.

“Thank you for telling me,” she finally said. “It was very brave of you.”

Clyde took a sip of his tea rather than respond, simultaneously pleased by and uncomfortable with the praise. He had thought of _brave_ as running towards dangerous aliens, not having a chat on a sofa – and yet, he couldn’t deny that in some ways, this had been scarier than all the aliens put together.

“I –” Sarah Jane began, then stopped, like she was carefully considering her words. “I don’t want to say that it’s not important, because it is. But it doesn’t change how much I care about you, all right? It never could.”

“Yeah,” Clyde choked out. He hadn’t thought it would, not really – but all the same, the reassurance loosened a knot in his chest he hadn’t even realized was there.

“Do you mind if I ask,” Sarah Jane said, sounding slightly hesitant, “how long you’ve known for?”

“I dunno,” Clyde admitted. “It wasn’t like there was one moment where I just suddenly knew. I think I’ve been… well, _attracted_ to blokes for a couple of years now, but it took a while to, you know, accept that’s what I was feeling.”

He must've sounded less than convinced on that last point, for Sarah Jane asked, “You know there’s nothing wrong with being gay, right?”

“Yeah. Well, mostly,” he amended, shrugging his shoulders a bit, and felt more than saw Sarah Jane looking at him expectantly. “I’ve never heard a good explanation for why some people get so up in arms about it; they just say it’s ‘unnatural,’ but if nature’s big enough to contain aliens that can shape-shift or rewrite time then surely it’s got space for gay people, right?”

He paused to check that Sarah Jane was following; she nodded at him to continue.

“But… it can feel like people who have a problem with it are everywhere, once you start paying attention, and sometimes it gets in my head, you know?” He huffed out a sigh. “It sounds stupid once I put it like that.”

“Oh, Clyde, no,” Sarah Jane said, her hand back on his arm. “Considering other people’s opinions isn’t stupid at all – quite the opposite, in fact. But sometimes lots of people _are_ just plain wrong. You know that – very few people would believe you if you said you’d met aliens, but obviously you have.”

“But how do you know? When it’s everyone else that’s wrong and not you?”

“Part of growing up is learning to decide that for yourself, I’m afraid,” Sarah Jane replied with a small smile. “But I think a good place to start is asking which opinion hurts people. You fancying boys doesn’t harm anyone, but people spreading intolerance do.”

“Yeah,” Clyde agreed, but he couldn’t help biting his lip.

“You don’t sound very certain.”

“Well,” Clyde started, not sure why he was arguing against the answer he wanted, “I _would_ say being gay doesn’t hurt anyone, wouldn’t I? Since I’m gay. It’s in my own interest to believe it.”

“Whereas straight people don’t have anything to gain by positioning themselves as superior?” Sarah Jane countered. “Being straight doesn’t grant them some neutral, unbiased authority on the matter. If anything, I’d say it limits their – our – perspective.”

“Oh,” Clyde breathed out. “I’d never thought of it like that.”

“Us old folks do occasionally manage to have a good idea,” Sarah Jane said.

“Occasionally,” Clyde teased, grinning, and was rewarded by Sarah Jane swatting at him playfully.

They slipped into a comfortable silence as they both finished their tea. Only once the mugs were empty did Sarah Jane speak again.

“Does anyone else know?” she asked.

Clyde shook his head. “I’m going to tell Luke and Rani, and my mum,” he said, feeling strangely defensive. “I don’t think any of them will take it badly, not really, but… I dunno, it felt easier to tell you first, I guess,” he finished.

“You don’t have to come out to anyone before you’re ready,” Sarah Jane said firmly. “But I think you’re right that Luke and Rani and your mum will be just fine with it. And I’m so glad you trusted me enough to tell me.”

Clyde would never admit it to anyone, but tears pricked at his eyes when Sarah Jane said that. Perhaps she noticed, because she pulled him into a tight hug. A wave of intense gratitude washed over him, stronger even than his recurring realizations of _bloody hell, I get to meet_ aliens _, how lucky am I_ , and he mumbled “Thank you,” into Sarah Jane’s shoulder.

After a long moment, Clyde pulled away. “I’d better get going,” he said, and made to stand. “I’ve got homework that needs doing, and mum’ll be wondering where I am soon, anyway.”

“Of course,” said Sarah Jane, standing as well, and she followed him to the door. "If you ever want to talk more – about this, about anything – you know my door's always open, right?" she asked before Clyde stepped outside.

"Yeah," he answered. "I do."


End file.
